», all i want is you.

[caïn valentin desmarais]

his day had been going perfectly fine. it was something sudden that ruined it, though. it had been awhile since the morning when he'd woken up next to his favorite blonde, but he couldn't exactly get it out of his mind. there was always that small chance that his old lover had know it was him or had woken up earlier in the afternoon that day. caïn desmarais was not a skiddish person or a person who dwelled on things, but this one thing was just killing him. it was scary, really. he would have preferred that isaac think he wad dead or living on the streets of another city somewhere else.

caïn had woken up that day, brushed his teeth obsessively, gone out for a cigarette (something isaac had always scolded him endlessly for,) and then got dressed. at this point he was getting some coffee and was going through his daily routine - fuck, this coffee pot is shit. why won't it hurry up already? finally! it was kind of small. it always made him very irritated when he went to make some coffee and the poor quality pot took forever. that was inconsequential to his day, though, as there were many other things that could be attended to.

he fastened a scarf around his neck and slipped on his jacket. this was where the madness began - or maybe it was a bit later, but it was stepping out the door at all that really whacked him out. he was bored and he was supposed to be writing something for class a while later. he decided on going to the park because it was the only place he could really think of then - plus, it was only a short metro trip and it was free. he paid his fee in the subway beneath the place bellecour. caïn walked smoothly into the park. he found lighted up another cigarette. he tugged on his scarf. suddenly, his cigarette hit the ground when a hand cupped and held onto his shoulder, causing him to shudder slightly.

he hated being touched when he didn't know about it. this person must have been a stranger - no one who knew him ever touched him without knowing that he was going to freak out on them or maybe shove his cigarette in their face. he turned around and his jaw went limp straight away - he couldn't say anything, and he was pretty fucking sure he was hallucinating. was this really isaac standing in front of him? honestly? "holy shit." he looked away for a second and then rolled his shoulders to get rid of the hand - he was used to it, but it somehow still felt uncomfortable - he was too tense for it.

"you know i hate when people touch me before i'm aware it's going to happen, right?" he tilted his head to the side, controlling his cool demeanor. "or have you forgotten that over the past four years?" he tapped his fingers against his hip nervously. he pulled his head back to its regular spot and just kind of stared at the blonde male. he still looked the same, exactly how he would have pictured. he'd maybe gained an inch or two, but it felt just like it had when he had shot naughty looks at him as a seventeen-year-old. he was still just...isaac. his eyes scanned down isaac's figure, probably reading as if he was checking him out...which he kind of was, but wouldn't that be something you would expect for caïn? he checked out anything with a pretty face and a fit body.

he rose an eyebrow. "well, this is pretty awkward." he placed a hand loosely on his own hip, waiting for something to pop out from the lips that he was suddenly lusting for. a smirk played on his lips when he considered the things that he could be doing with isaac right then, but he tried to get rid of his dirty thoughts and snap back into reality. caïn gulped, reconsidering his current attitude. was he supposed to be groveling at his feet? was he supposed to be apologizing for being a huge jerk? probably, but he didn't really think about it. "i'm sorry i've been avoiding you, isaac." maybe not true. he was glad to be avoiding him.

"i saw you...awhile ago, i guess. but i didn't want to say anything because i was afraid that you'd be monumentally pissed at me - which you have the right to be, but i didn't exactly want to deal with that." he spoke again after a few more seconds. "so, how was everything after i left? i missed you by the way. not many people, but i did miss you." he smirked that devious smirk again and then yawned as if he wasn't very intrigued by the current situation. "i heard from someone that you were dating my ex-girlfriend awhile ago. i thought it was kind of funny." he was pretty much a huge asshole. he didn't mind.


ooc; for mag!

[isaac xavier dubois]

isaac woke that morning with his legs tangled in the bed sheet and a siver of sunshine directly in his eyes. groaning, isaac rolled over, burying his face in his pillow in an attempt to block out the light and fall back asleep. it was a no-go, though. isaac was awake now and there was no way he was going to be able to sleep again until the sun set. that was the thing with isaac - once he woke up in the morning, he was up and that was that. the only time he ever napped during the day was when he was really sick. sighing, isaac pushed his lanky frame up and out of bed, dragging the bed sheet with him. he had crossed half the room before the tangle of sheets loosened their hold on his legs. nonplussed, he reached down and picked a t-shirt up off the floor and pulled it over his head. the boy yawned, walking slowly down the narrow hallway that lead from his small bedroom and bathroom to the small kitchen and living area that made up his small apartment. heading into the kitchen isaac got himself a breakfast consisting of a banana and a glass of orange juice. while he ate, he mulled over what he could do today. it was the only day he had free of classes and commitments, and as usual it was the one day that he was unable to sleep in. it usually kept the day open for leisurely activities though. after his breakfast and a shower isaac decided on what he was going to do for the day - take a walk. that's all he had the energy for.

that morning he set out, no particular destination in mind. he was just... walking. eventually he ended up at the zoo, roaming around, not really interested in the animals around him. isaac had been there enough time for him to lose interest in the free zoo. one thing did catch his eye, however. a dark hair male standing there with a cigarette pressed between his lips. caïn desmarais, heartbreaker. twice isaac had woken up, expecting to see caïn and only being disappointed. once in the literal sense. when he had fallen asleep the night of the party, caïn had been right there beside him. when he woke up, he was nowhere to be found. four years ago he had gone to sleep one day, expecting to see caïn the next day and the boy was nowhere to be found. as far as that old expression went, isaac had officially obtained fool status - fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. squaring his shoulders, isaac closed the distance between him and the other boy. he had a feeling that if he had called out to caïn he would have pretended not to hear him and move on. no, the only way he'd get to talk to the other boy was surprising him, even if it meant him getting punched in the gut. coming up behind caïn, isaac placed a hand on his shoulder. when caïn turned around, isaac didn't meet his gaze, instead he chose to watch the cigarette falling to the ground. he didn't respond to caïn's curse, choosing to squish the burning cigarette underfoot instead.

isaac finally made eye contact with caïn when he spoke for real. "well it's not my fault that i haven't seen you for four years, caïn." the boy said flatly, dropping his hands to his side. had it really been only four years ago that caïn had left? it felt like much, much longer. almost like a whole other life. sighing isaac slipped his hands into the pockets of his jeans, pushing down on them gently so the already low slung pants slid slightly lower. he shifted uncomfortably under caïn's gaze while surveying him in a similar fashion. caïn seemed different somehow. isaac couldn't really put his finger on it, but there was definitely something different about the boy. he looked exactly the same, he just... felt different. isaac didn't feel as comfortable standing next to him than he used to. perhaps that explained why isaac was not acting like the energizer bunny, bouncing all over the place and babbling like a loon. or maybe isaac was just really, really mad. and he was. he was monumentally pissed that caïn had just up and left without a word not once, but twice.

the blonde boy kept his lips firmly shut as the brunette spoke again. he had et to hear anything he had hoped caïn would say. an apology, for one. acknowledgment that he had acted like a complete asshole would be nice too. caïn's apology didn't make him any less mad, either. more mad if anything. it just sounded so fake. apologizing for avoiding him? apologizing for leaving him would have been a much better tactic. but by the sounds of it, they were pretending like that night at the party had never happened. fine by isaac, he would have liked to forget it anyway. isaac had thought that he had been the one who was taking advantage of caïn, who had been completely smashed at the time. but it looked like it had been the other way around seeing as isaac had woken up alone the next day. "you c-could h-have..." isaac swore under his breath, taking a moment to close his eyes and take a few deep breaths. this conversation would go nowhere if he got himself too worked up to speak properly. "y-you could have at least said goodbye." that was what had hurt isaac the most - caïn hadn't said goodbye either time he had left. he had just... left. at caïn's other questions, isaac just shrugged. neither of them were very important at this time, or so isaac felt. so he returned to just... staring at caïn. what else could he do?

[caïn valentin desmarais]

caïn just watched him intensely for the longest time. he was considering what would be the best to say all the while, wondering whether it would be best to walk away and forget or actually apologize, tell isaac about the fact that he knew he had been a jerk. he decided to do neither in the end, shutting his eyes and biting his bottom lip when he heard isaac speak. his voice was so unfamiliar, so...off. it sounded the same, but that is what caïn hated so much. he didn't want to be talking with him. he didn't want to be near him. he had gotten over him, hadn't he? he had pretended too and he had fooled himself into thinking it was true, but in this single moment he felt like taking that all back. maybe he did like him still the same way he had when he was a teenager, but he didn't want to admit to that. hell no.

he didn't speak, still watching. he noted how isaac's pants seemed lower, how he squished his cigarette beneath his feet, and especially how tense he seemed. caïn was pretty good at concealing it, but he felt terribly tense - stiff as a board, in fact. his whole self felt gross. by the time that isaac was speaking again, he had just zoned out in watching around. the stutter was amusing, and now he was positive that isaac was just...freaked out beyond all belief. he always remembered things about people, and this was something that triggered a thought in his brain when he heard it. he was still pretending like his words didn't hit him...but they did.

"shh, calm down, isaac..." he said smoothly, leaning in a bit closer. he ran two fingers down his arm in a comforting fashion, hoping he would have a proper reaction out of isaac. he did feel just a little bit bad that isaac was really, really upset with and super mad at him, really, really mad. this is why he had been avoiding him for so long. he hated his own drama, especially this...now it felt like throw up in his stomach, but he knew what it was - guilt. disgusting, disgusting guilt. right now, he honestly did not want mister dubois to get overly worked up over him. that would still make him feel bad - maybe these sudden feelings were super big compared to how he regularly felt about things, but he really could not process anything at that moment and it was all just building up inside of him. he pursed his lips at the thought of becoming a sensitive person. he didn't show is fucking emotions. he couldn't show his emotions.

"i'm sorry i didn't say goodbye." he looked away, thinking of what would be the most tactful move. "i...i promise..." promise was a big word for caïn. he didn't exactly do "promises." he bit down on his lip, isaac was obviously contacting his soft side...he took a step away from isaac for a second, leaving a nice gap between them. he took a breath, and then resumed his spot in relatively close proximity. "i thought you would have...stopped me..." he spoke quietly, not wanting to even think about what he was saying. back then, he didn't want to be held back. he didn't want to feel guilty about leaving isaac behind. the guilt had come anyways.

"i..." he didn't have anything to say at all. he was thinking again, staring the blonde in front of him down. caïn was thinking about how he might have made isaac felt back in the day when he left or he would be thinking about that night that he didn't really remember, the night he just knew that happened. he wanted to say something really badly, but he couldn't bring himself to it. "i felt really, really bad about leaving you for the longest time. i missed you and how you made me feel, y'know? and i kinda really regretted not telling you where i was going or saying goodbye...it's just." he didn't have much to say. he hadn't really thought much about what he was going to say next - he hardly ever did think about what came next.

"but whatever, isaac. i don't know what to say except for i'm sorry that i hurt you. okay?" that was the stupid, arrogant attitude again. everything he'd said before sounded really sincere, but now he was hardening up again and getting over his gooshy little thing he'd just done there. "can you forgive me?" blatantly, mentally thinking please, please say yes.

ooc; it sucks. sorry.

[isaac xavier dubois]

isaac was working hard to close himself off from caïn, not let the other boy know how he was feeling. usually isaac was an open book and he was having some difficulty keeping a poker face, which caïn was doing an impeccable job at it. one thing he couldn't hide was how awkward he felt - his body language showed it. for once, he was shuffling about or fidgeting. he was standing completely still, at a loss for what to do. isaac had always wondered what had happend to caïn, where he had gone after he left and what he had gotten up to. isaac had spent a great deal of time wondering, especially after their night together recently. but now he found that he didn't particularly want to know. where caïn had disappeared to had always been a mystery to him, something to think about when there was nothing else for him to do - even after their night he could do it because although isaac knew that caïn was in lyon, he had no idea what he had been up to. but now, standing in front of a completely sober caïn, the mystery was fading. now what was isaac going to think about to pass time? having caïn in front of him just felt too... real for isaac.

at his words, the blonde narrowed his eyes, gritting his teeth. they sounded so patronizing. like he was a child being told to calm down during the middle of a fit because his mother wouldn't by him any candy. caïn reached out to him and isaac didn't react. he kept perfectly still (a rarity for a boy like isaac) with his jaw set, staring straight back at caïn. he wasn't going to let caïn sweet talk his way out of this - he wasn't going to be a little puppet to the dark-haired boy. even if isaac was dancing a conga on the inside - he liked being so close to caïn. his presence so close to him calmed isaac and made his heart beat wildly at the same time. he was a walking contradiction. as much as caïn infuriated isaac, he loved having the boy around. he wanted caïn around him even though he wouldn't be admitting that fact anytime soon. "i am calm." isaac replied while maintaining his poised demeanor on the outside. inside he was the farthest thing from calm. he was spazzy out, his brain going wild. the boy didn't have a clue what to think right about now.

"why didn't you tell me you were leaving, caïn? why did you leave? i would have come with you, you know." he spoke quietly, knowing his statement was false. isaac wouldn't have been able to leave. instead he would have begged caïn to stay, promising him everything to the moon and back if he stayed. perhaps if he had different parents he would have run off with caïn, but he didn't. and isaac wouldn't have been able to leave his mother - it would have crushed her and she had given up everything for isaac. it would have broken her heart if isaac had taken off like caïn had, and he couldn't do that to her. parting ways for college had been hard enough. "how could i have stopped you, caïn? i didn't even know you were leaving. i didn't know you weren't happy." isaac spoke in a low voice, head in close to caïn's. he wanted to avoid making a scene and publicizing their little tiff. as much as he wanted to kick and scream and hit caïn, he wouldn't. they were in public and that would be terribly rude of them to do such a thing in public - isaac's mother had raised him right.

isaac listened to what caïn had to say, his eyes avoiding the other boy's at all costs. mostly he kept them glued to his shoes, worried that his eyes would betray the stoic appearance he was trying to keep up. they did say the eyes were the window to the soul, after all. "then why didn't you call me?" he asked, clipping his words. the very least that caïn could have done was call him and tell him he was okay and wasn't dead. isaac could have kept that secret for him. he wouldn't have told anyone if caïn hadn't wanted him to. finally looking up at the boy, isaac set his jaw - he was all serious it seemed. "you're talking an awful lot and not really saying anything at all." he said flatly, staring straight into caïn's eyes. he stayed like that, not breaking his gaze, even as caïn made the transition back into an asshole. isaac gritted his teeth. "no, it's not okay." he deadpanned, eyebrows raising slightly. there was no way in hell that caïn was getting off that easily. "i really don't know if i can, caïn."

ooc: le suck. :c

[caïn valentin desmarais]

"i don't know. i didn't...i thought it wouldn't hurt as much if i didn't tell you." he bit his lip. hurting was always the worst part of something like running away - and caïn had knew that from the very beginning. he didn't want isaac to hold him back, he didn't want to see the hurt in his eyes, and he didn't want to doubt his choices. he was talking too much, though, and he'd probably get lost in his own words - deciding not to talk about all of the other reasons he didn't tell isaac about leaving.

"i left because i wasn't happy. i was...i didn't like how things were going for me. i don't know why, i just got really...sick of it." he had been pretty privileged and popular - but it had gotten to him. he didn't want it any more, but he didn't know how to get rid of it. "and that's a lie, isaac. you know you wouldn't have came with me." he shook his head at him, showing that he knew his old friend too well. he slicked his lower lip. his mouth and throat were really dry. it felt really disgusting. he didn't like being disgusting, but that's exactly what he was.

"the only reason you didn't know i wasn't happy," he paused, thinking for a second. "is because the only time when i was happy was when i was with you." the truth sounded cheesy. he winced. it was obvious that he wasn't lying, but he definitely was not content with the answer that slipped quietly out of his lips. he chewed softly on the flesh of his cheek, a nervous habit of his. his eyes darted away. "i bet you would have figured something out." caïn hadn't liked admitting it, but isaac had an undeniable control over him when they had the "thing." he probably still did, and just by being irritated with caïn he was pulling on his strings. caïn desmarais did not enjoy being a puppet - he liked to be the controller of the show...but here the usual situation had been turned upsides down.

having isaac so close made him want to just tackle him and do naughty, naughty things. unfortunately, the height difference and any advantage that caïn had over isaac four years ago was now gone and made up for. he was sure at this point isaac would easily be able to push him off and walk away without him being able to do anything...plus, he wasn't that weird. he didn't show affection with people on sidewalks. fuck, no. isaac was asking all of the important questions. caïn was roaming to avoid them. "i thought you had moved on. and you have, i'm assuming...i thought maybe you would have preferred if i didn't..." bad answer, bad answer. "i was afraid of talking to you again." he didn't mean to say what he was really thinking. he wanted to beat around the bush. shit.

"it's because i don't know what to say to you." he was trying now. he was actually fucking trying to say what he truthfully could say. caïn was trying to get to the point. his stomach bubbled mercilessly. he reached a hand behind his head and scratched it in a tense way, gulping. stop being a jerk. he had to tell himself this a billion times in his head before replying to isaac's words again. he hadn't exactly thought that he was talking himself out of it or that he was off the hook, but it had been worth a try. now he was stuck for words, but he knew what he was supposed to be saying. "i understand if you'll hate me forever because of what i did to you..." his glare darted away from isaac's face, hitting the ground beneath them.

"it's just...i'm actually really, really...s - sorry and i feel really guilty, so, like, if there's anything i can do to make it up to you, just tell me..." he squinted at the word sorry, stuttering. he was using his quiet, nervous voice. guilty was a word he didn't like either because he felt it in his stomach harsher when he admitted to it. he was sure not even the attempt at sincerity in his voice was not enough for isaac to believe him, but it was a pretty good second shot.